Text

trillow:

[police officer] “sir are you in possession of any illegal drugs”

“sure thing son whatchu need”

(via lubricates)

Text

abrotion:

telapathetic:

abrotion:

telapathetic:

somebody make a wikipedia page for me

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U bitch

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(via perks-of-being-chinese)

Source: telapathetic
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mommy:

This relationship is going to be weird if you keep pretending I’m not your girlfriend.

(via moistbottom)

Source: ladaisyxo.com
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fenrir-kin:

brigwife:

kidouyuuto:

how did they learn to translate languages into other languages how did they know which words meant what HOW DID TH

English Person: *Points at an apple* Apple

French Person: Non c’est une fucking pomme 

*800 years of war*

"C’est une fucking pomme" is now my favourite phrase

right up there with Viva la pluto

(via pom-gets-wifi-now)

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echoesofoswin:

leonkuwatastonguepiercing:

mukuroikusabaka:

finish this sentence: m

y body craves for the touch of mashed potatoes, the soft white flesh of the vegetable sliding over my body. i havent slept in fifteen days. only the beautiful rapturous gooey white semi solid plant matter inspires me to continue living. sometimes i like to imagine that the mashed potatoes have accepted me as their loving partner. oh can i dream.

What the actual fuck

(via pizza)

Source: mukuroikusabaka
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the-fandom-queen-of-skaia:

transandfabulous:

the-fandom-queen-of-skaia:

my mom bought me a 2 carrot ring!

Karat*

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say what bitch

(via bewbin)

Source: prospitiandersite
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primacdonaldsgirl:

being forced to take care of kids like 

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(via kiss-kiss-fall-into-despair)

Source: primacdonaldsgirl
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schoolwitch:

i love freckles theyre skin stars

(via kiss-kiss-fall-into-despair)

Source: sinaloan
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sharonosbourne:

*wakes up from nap that I didn’t know I was taking*

(via kiss-kiss-fall-into-despair)

Source: andrewbelami
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spookemoij:

What if a pregnancy test just said:
¯\_(ツ)_/¯

(via lubricates)

Source: emoij
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missjraffe:

infinite-macro-kozmik:

World’s largest quartz crystal

amazing. it looks just like an elderly man

missjraffe:

infinite-macro-kozmik:

World’s largest quartz crystal

amazing. it looks just like an elderly man

(via perks-of-being-chinese)

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elasticitymudflap:

when people ask me if i know about a thing i’m actually a huge fan of

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(via pizza)

Source: elasticitymudflap